If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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