I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
