she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
