apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
