C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
