I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I love you.
Bad choice
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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