just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize