just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
