First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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