one might say we're banned from that church
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
