and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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