exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
