Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want her autograph on my taint
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
