I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
