It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
