Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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