I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize