thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
