you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
