WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
