You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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