how can u be prego again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
