census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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