mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think my moral compass just broke
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
