there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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