I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
