So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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