hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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