Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
