I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
