I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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