I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
