i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
