So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
