thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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