The maid of honor just puked.
just tell him i said nine months
barbara walters just said penis...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
