just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Less talking, more tequila
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
