Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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