I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
