Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
