I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
