we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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