i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
