don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
