it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
