When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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