my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
