I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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