Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
