Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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