just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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