Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
