Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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