Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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