I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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