Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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