You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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