Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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