Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
