the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
