Define "chronic" masturbator.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
