she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
