I bet he comes in French.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
