if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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