I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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