Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
