please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
