Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
