Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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