So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
