i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
