i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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