I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize