i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
