I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
