I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
