It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
