so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
